Tuesday, November 3, 2020
My mother, Alice Brubacher passed away at 3:03 Saturday morning at 99 years old - Halloween - under a full blue moon. My brother Sandy arrived to her room while she was still warm and took some pictures of her for me - at my request. It was so comforting for me to be talking with him on the phone while he was in the room with her body! We loved her so much and she become sweeter with each day. Her time line was shrinking and she longed so much to see her mother (not comprehending that she was no longer living.) As she become more dependent on others’ memories – I was sometimes one of her sisters whom she loved so much. She’d tell me repeatedly how much she loved me - how happy she was to hear my voice - (I tried to call her each evening since COVID) - and how I was one of the most special persons to her! On Zoom, each week, she recognized each of her children and my son Josh and daughter Shannon (when she could get away from work) and would identify us by name - always so happy to see us! She especially brightened up each time Josh said, “Hi Grandma.” She never confused Josh with anyone else!
My daughter tells me she couldn’t handle it if I died. She says I am her “Safe Place” and I tell her, I used to feel that way when I was her age as well. I felt like life without my mother - would be a huge bottomless hole - but that when I get to be 99 - it will be different - and she will be able to go on… :)
We are so fortunate in so many ways!!
When I got the news of my mother's death a phrase from a song she used to play on the piano and sing came to my mind - “Oh bear me away on your snowy wings to my immortal home…” I had no idea what the wings were - or what the rest of the song was - but slowly the rest of the song came to my mind. In memory of my mother - I’d like to share that song - sung by Emmylou Harris Angel Band https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-dacf_-ohI
Another song - another favorite I remembered her singing - that captures the spirit of the love, the faith, the appreciation she shared for everyone she met and the beauty she saw in nature and in fabric and artistic design is I come to the garden alone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2eSfKqMRbA sung here by Mahalia Jackson. Mother was an amazing flower gardener, flower arranger, and an accomplished artistic quilter. It is especially meaningful for me to share this Mahalia Jackson song because a few hours after I found out about her passing - I had the honor of doing an online couple therapy session with an interracial couple, with an international group of 100 therapists - integrating what I am beginning to learn from many Black colleagues. I felt I was “live-streaming” my mother’s love to them through our session. As I read and experience more and more about racial trauma and racist-based stress, I feel my mother’s love mixing with my growing appreciation/rage/discovery of what a client called - “the plight” of being black in America. I swell with love and appreciation! I am so honored to have a therapy model that encompasses empathic, curious risking to name the stuck patterns and to shape security, while honoring resiliency and pain. A humble model where we learn together!
Thank you to my mother for her love – love to everyone she met – love for her husband Curtis, deceased now for 10 years, love for Ross, for family, for her faith, for beauty, poetry, children, smiles, nature, flowers, and reading!
